{playing Voyager theme song}

R- She's getting ready to come in the door here.

{transporter beam}

R - Actress Kate Mulgrew. She owes me 20 bucks.

A - No, you lost that fair and square.

K - That's right - fair and square.

R - I'm gonna get it back, too. I don't know how yet. I'm scheming, cuz I know what you did...

K - We have to take a love call.

R - That's right.

K - What did I do? There was no coercion in this studio..

R - You beat me...

K  -I beat you fair and square. I'm Irish ....

R - I said some lunatic was gonna call ya. But we had ya because we planted a call. And then she started to fish the money out, and it was Al...

K  -(laughing) Who's not your best friend anymore, right?

R - And I could not tell a lie. It was Al. I already had her diggin' in the wallet. I said, "I guarantee you some Star Trek lunatic is gonna call you. " And I've got this guy, by the way, who continues to e-mail me. He says, Kate's gonna be on your show, isn't she?

K - {laughter}

R  -I swear to God I'm telling you the truth.

K  -Maybe he'll call in today.

R - Please don't. So this guy continues to e-mail me, and he's like, "Do you have her e-mail address? Could you get it for me?"

A - Mail her on the ship! Do you have an e-mail address on the ship?

K - The ship does NOT have e-mail.

A - No?

K - Do you know where our ship is?

A - It's in dry dock right now.

K  -It's in dry dock. <laughs> Are we in outer space? Just two quick questions. Can we put a wager on this one, Rocky? Let me just put a wager on this one. Five bucks. I'm gonna spare you the big twenty.

R - I'll go twenty.

K - I'm going to give you a choice of a century, and tell me which century is appropriate to where we are right now. Okay? Star Trek Voyager, my ship.

R - Oh, you're not talking about real life.

K - No. I'm going to name you three centuries. Alright? This is five bucks, ladies and gentlemen.

R - Is this show on the air?

A  -There's like eight of them on, man!

K - <laughter> I come here ... I come here because it's good to feel my humility. God!

R - So you're on the air, right?

K  -Yes, we have. Have been for about three seasons!

R - Yeah, cuz I know you keep coming up here and...

K - <laughs> What's she doing here?

R - I thought you were still Mrs. Columbo. I thought you were still on that show!

K - <laughs> Ryan's Hope went off the air twenty years ago!

R - A&E had those reruns of Mrs. Columbo. I thought that's what you were here for.  So you got a tv show that's on now? What is it?

K - It's called Star Trek: Voyager.

R - I've heard it's a good show.

K  -And I'm the captain!

R - Really!

K  -I'm gonna give you three centuries.

R - That's right cuz you guys threw out some other.... you took over, didn't you?

K - He doesn't want this. He hates to part with a quarter. <laughter> Are you ready? Five bucks.  26th century, 23rd century, or the 24th century?

R - 23rd century.

K - Beep! Hand 'er over!!

R - Did you screw me, Al? <laughter> You rolled me, didn't ya?? <laughter>

A - I went with Kate this time!

K - Yes! Al's my man!

R - He rolled me again? I was gonna say 26th.

A - No, it's 24th.

K - Oy.

R - Dammit. Are you getting in my wallet?

A - No, I'll get this one.

R  -Al, you set me up; that's twice you've screwed me. Ah, you know we love you. <Kate laughs> You know we do!

A - Here's a crisp five-er.

R - That looks like a one to me!

K  -Shall we go on? Go on!

R  -Alright, so here's what I have. I have all my research from TV Guide. So what's that e-mail address? Do you really have one? If somebody wants to e-mail you, can people do that?

K -They can contact my sons.

R- No, I don't want to give out your home e-mail.

K- I have no idea if I have e-mail. Janeway's got an e-mail.

R- But what about you? Because I get all these fans, I swear to you, I'm telling you the truth, I get people asking me all the time about you.

K- This is how completely ignorant I am of the whole thing. I imagine they can..

R- The show must have one.

K -There has to be, for the show.

R- But you don't know what it is.

K- No

R- You work, like, how many weeks a year? 50, don't ya?

K- I work ... uh...

R- They're putting the screws to you, aren't they?

K- I get two months off. No, they're not putting the screws to me.

R- Yeah they are. I can say it.

K- It's a great job.

R- It is! But they're working you to death.

K- There are bloodstains on this dollar bill, Rocky. There are clearly bloodstains.

R- You don't know where Al gets that money.

K- Listen, everything passes. I'll have this job for what, when I'm finished. 6 or 7 years. I can do this, and I can do it well for 6 or 7 years.

R- Yeah, but they're working you pretty hard, aren't they?

K- Yes, of course they are.

R- Cuz you never... when you're doing it you never have time to come see us. You have two weeks off and you come here.

K- I come every May.

R- Then they stick you back in that hole for another 50 weeks. And that's it.

K- That's the way it's gotta be.

R- That's brutal. It doesn't seem fair.

K- Why not? You do the same thing here, don't you? You work hard, don't you?

A- Oh man, you wouldn't believe it.

K- You're overworked. Are you underpaid?

A- Absolutely.

K- Overworked and underpaid.

A- Not for long though. <laughter>

K- Sitcom people are the people who have it made. They go in on Monday, from 11 until noon. They read-through. Tuesday they put in maybe two hours Wednesday two hours, Thursday four or five. Friday they tape.

R- That Dave's World guy, what's his name? Harry Anderson. He doesn't even live in L.A. He's on a four-day week; he lives in Seattle and flies in. It's a pretty good deal. And you guys shut down; I'm reading here in TV Guide. Were you guys supposed to do some extra episodes or whatever?

K- We didn't do our entire 26.

R- And you were gonna do your big finale. And then they said no and they changed it.

K- Well, you know, I was ignorant of all this stuff. I didn't know what they had in mind -all I know is what I got. And I got "Scorpion, Part 1" and it's great. It's the introduction of the Borg. You know who they are?

R- Yes, I do.

K- Who are they?

R- I have no idea.

K-  <laughing> Are they good?

R- They're bad.

A- With a name like Borg, it's pretty much bad.

R- Bjorn Borg? Is he in it?

K- My God! Why do I have to be subjected to this? Scott?

R- Scott doesn't know...

K- So I am caught in the Borg cube.

R- You know you're my favorite guest of the year. You know that, don't you?

K- I'm your favorite guest. You told that to Sharon Lawrence.

R- That's not true.

K- Yes.

R:- It is true. <laughter> Damn, I forget you guys talk.

K- Never forget that, Rocky, never forget that!

R- Oh crap, I'm getting screwed here. <more laughs> You're my favorite guest, I swear. Forget what I said to Sharon, I mean it.

K- Well, I'll tell you one thing. I always have the most fun on this. You guys are great.

R- Absolutely. So, tell me what happens. They changed it around because they said this episode with the Borgs, or whatever, that they didn't feel the audience got enough, so they decided to change that for the end. Or what happened?

K- It sounds like Melrose Place. They didn't get enough what? <laughs> They love the Borg; they're crazy about the Borg. We never played with the Borg on this show before, except in an episode called "Unity." And I guess they were unsatisfied. So now they will be satisfied because we've reached the height of terror. I am locked on the Borg cube, in negotiation with the Borg hive. And their final words to me ... what was that? A tiny rainstorm?

R- I was sneezing. <laughter>

K- You can always go into sound effects. And the last thing they say to me is, "We do not accept your proposal." So I'm off my ship. The Borg put them into a tractor beam -locked them onto a tractor beam. You know what that is...

A- A tractor beam! Like a John Deere

K- Of the Caterpillar variety? And we fade out. This will be very titillating to the trekkers in the audience. And to those like you, it will not only be NOT titillating, but ...

R- That's not true. I just.. I don't want to see the show and have it spoiled when you come here. I want to talk to you about it.

K- Have you ever seen an episode of Star Trek Voyager?

R- To be honest with ya, yes. Have I?

A- Yes, you have.

K- I'm not talking about clips, guys.

A- Okay, then you've got us. We've seen lots of clips.

R- Okay, so let me ask you this. Tell me if this is true or not because you're like an artist. You're a painter on the show. Or you have, like, skills. Am I right or ... do you do anything with paint? Do you finger paint?

A- Paint by numbers!

R- Do you own paintings?

K- No, but you're painting yourself into a corner. I am not a painter.

R- I am reading this article!

K- Right. I dabbled once.

R- Your character. And you wanted to go on the holodeck so you could meet with all these other famous painters.

K- That's right. Most notably Leonardo da Vinci.

R- Who was not only a great painter,...

K -...a great scientist

R- He also invented the scissors.

K- Not to mention the bicycle..

R- And the parachute and the helicopter.

K- And the plane - the glider...

R- The man was a genius.

K- Absolute genius. Devasted as a human being, though. Fractured as a human being. He was an illegitimate child ...

A- I didn't know that.

K- ...of a wealthy land owner, and I think his mother was a servant.

R- Right, and he was a heavy drinker. Terrible..

K- He wasn't a heavy drinker.

R- Wasn't he?

K- <laughter> Going to commercial now!

R- He didn't drink?

K- <laughing> He didn't drink.

R- I think we all drink.

K- In fact, he didn't ...He made his own wine. Maybe he had a little vino, but I don't ...

R- He didn't

K- No. Diego Rivera

R- He was a heavy drinker

K- Yeah

R- How do you know all about these ... ?

K- I read the lives of great men

R- Really?

K- Yeah, still looking for a great man, who was a good man. You know they were all trouble. Picasso foremost among them.

R- What was his problem?

K- He devastated woman. He just destroyed them, systematically destroyed them.

R- Why did he do that? Would you have dated Picasso?

K- I probably would have fallen hook-line-and-sinker for him, yeah.

R- Really?

K--Something about that kind of ego. It's so provacative. Who's got that kind of ego? He was a genius painter, without question.

R- His paintings to me all look like disfigured people.

K- Well they were disfigured people.

R- They look like he dismembered them ...

K- He painted his mistresses when he was through with them. And that's what they looked like. He was bad news.

R- So you look for that kind of guy? Some guy with a monumental ego...

K- No. You asked me a very specific question. You said if I met Pablo Picasso ...

R- Would you date him?

K- Well, he's in decomposition as we speak, but if I could have met him, yes.

R- But even in his latter years...

K- Dated him in his latter years? How latter are we talking?

R- In his Frank Gifford years.

K- Oh, noooo <laughter>

A- Where'd that come from? <laughs>

R- No, in his mid 60's.

K- Men are great in their mid 60's. How old are you?

R- 42. And you just had your birthday.

K- I'm 42 too. It's greater for you than it is for me, I suspect.

R- Ah, I don't know. I'm already broken down.

K- Men get better, don't they? Culture is not as nice to the ladies as they get older.

R- No that's not true. You look quite lovely. You look very good.

K- Thank you. I feel great.

R- Despite the, ya know ... <cuckoo sound>, you're doing quite well.

K- <laughs> What in God's name is that?

A- I think he thinks you're a drinker.

K- <laughter> He's got that right!

R- That's the only way she'll come and do the show! I'm not stupid!

A- That's universal for "drinker".

K- That's why you send your chair down to the lobby every time! You're so nice!

R- Absolutely! Okay, we're gonna do traffic and then, my favorite guest, Kate Mulgrew.

(back from traffic)

K- Can you do this?

A- She's making faces at me.

K- Let me see if you can do this. I don't know a lot of men who can do it. Lookit, see, you're crooked.

A- What - you can roll your tongue?

K- <pause> Can you do this?

A- <pause> No, that hurts. That's a good radio thing.

K- A good radio thing? <laughs>

A- What is that you're doing? It's shadow puppets with Kate Mulgrew!! <lots of laughs> Look! It's a bunny, a little bunny rabbit! And now it's got a carrot!

R- Wow

K- Wow is right!

R- Kate, back to work, here we go.

R- So you're on that show Star Trek: Voyager. And let me propose a question that I talked to you off the air. When are you gonna do one of those movies? You can't do the movie, can you?

K- Not any time soon. I can't as long as I'm doing the series. I believe I can't, although who knows?

R- They said because you're working too much. So, seriously, how long is your work ...

K- Well, no, because the captain ... I mean I am the captain of this ship that is lost in space, right? So the captain of the feature film has already found, recovered the Federation, right? We can go onto another mission.

R- Right, but if they could find a story, could ya? Do you physically have the time to do a movie?

K- No. Certainly not.

R- How long does it take to do a movie?

K- I shoot, what, 26 episodes a year. A movie takes 3-4 months I would guess.

R- And so you don't have that much time off.

K- No.

R- So you do 26 episodes; they're an hour long.

K- That's right. It takes 8 days to shoot them.

R- And do you have off .. I mean ... you're off right now.

K- I'll go back the 27th of May, and I will wrap the middle of April next year.

R- You go eleven months straight. No vacation, no time off.

K- We get 2 weeks at Christmas. And that's it. Yeah.

R- Wow, who did THAT deal?

K- They did, with me, in full cognizance. We get 4 days at Thanksgiving. And I think we get to go to Mass on Easter. <laughs>

R- You get to go to church once a quarter? That's good!

K- It's fine.

R- I know you're not complaining. I don't mean that. That seems like a ..

K- ...a very rigorous schedule. It is rigorous. It always has been; everybody does it.

R- You work long days, right?

K- Yeah, they can be quite long.

R- I mean, not that you don't get... paid or anything.

K- Nicely compensated.

R- But you should be for those kind of hours. So what's it - a 12, 14 hour day?

K- Can be. Can be later.

R- And for those guys with that icky makeup on.

K- Well, John Ethan Phillips for instance, your pal, Neelix, comes in at 2:30 in the morning for a 6:30 set call.

R- That's brutal.

K- And then he's in that makeup for the next 16 hours. And he can not breathe, he gets headaches, he can't lie down.

R- You know what's going to happen? He's going to get some kind of tumor in his skull for that.

K- He makes the sign of the cross. Don't SAY those things!

R- That always scares me about stuff like that. I'm serious! Smelling that stuff. When they paint my house, I leave the city for 3 days!

K- I sort of like that smell.

R- Well, I'm not surprised. <laughter>

K- House paint, Rocky.

R- You like the smell of gasoline too, don't ya?

K- I'm a little fond of gasoline. <laughs>

R- And fire is your friend, too, isn't it?

K- Onward Christian Soldiers! <laughter>

R- I couldn't stand smelling that stuff.

K- He can't stand it either.

R- Does he at least get to sleep in the chair?

K- He can't sleep.

R- When they're puttin' it on?

K- He has to stay upright. It's very hard, but it's not that hard. You know, the hardest thing of all is no work at all. So you are not going to get a complaint out of this girl's mouth. It's par for the course. And I have the constitution of a horse. There's a rhyme! "It's par for the course. I have the constitution of a horse."

A- Want me to write that down and save it for you later?

K- <laughs>

R- So you're taking .. you're going to the Tyson-Holyfield fight.

K- Yes, I am. Oh you didn't <whispers>

R- Uh.... I mean, are you gonna watch it on pay-per-view?

K- Yeah, I'm gonna watch it on YOUR pay-per-view! <laughs> I'm going to the Tyson fight; I'm really looking forward to it. At the end of June. I love the fights. I suppose that says something rather dubious about me.

A- .. primal about you.

K- It's also the Irish in me, wouldn't you say? My father loves the fights, my brothers love the fights. I love the fights. It's gonna be a great night.

R- Do you do a little gambling on your free time?

K- I like to gamble like this, with you, because you're so easy. <laughter>

R- Cuz I'm like an easy mark! You come in here, you make your drinkin' money off me and you're on your way!

K- I don't want to gamble in Vegas. Would you like that?

R- I love going to Vegas.

K- Nah.

R- I will go and put a decent sum of money on red or black and go away.

K- Really? There's no kick in that. If you lose and lose and lose.

R- So, you're gonna have a good time. You get a day off there.

K- No, it's for the weekend.

R- How was your vacation?

K- I had a great vacation. I took my sons to Costa Rica, and we ran the rapids in the Pequori River in the central valley of the most beautiful country I've ever seen. It's the best kept secret in travel. I called my travel agent and I said, "I think I'd like to take my boys down the Amazon." I mean, I have this opportunity .. let's take advantage of it. She said, "The Amazon is fascinating, but it's rather adult, and it's a slow boat. You've got 2 teenage boys, 3 teenage boys? I've got it. The little Amazon in Costa Rica." That's what the Pequori is called. So we did that for seven days. I mean .. my kids shoot me when I say this ... and I am given to hyperbole. It was death defying! I have never been in a raft in my life! And getting stuck in class 5 rapids. I'm screaming invectives at the top of my lungs. My kids are being thrown overboard...

R- You're swearing in front of your children?

K- I was screaming. Someone's got a closeup shot of Captain Janeway going ... It was wonderful, though, because I am physically brave. But I had no idea that I was.

R- And do a little scuba diving?

K- Scuba diving. The hot air balloon scared me to death.

A- That's no good

R- Those I don't ... I don't trust a guy who has you sitting in a lunch basket...

A- that he pulls off his pick-up.

K- You got it - it's a lunch basket. It comes to only here, mid hip. You are so vulnerable up there, and you're surrounded by the only people in the world you'd die for. And it looks like they're gonna die. Everybody was chalk white. We couldn't land.

R- And there's an open flame...

K- Going "whoom" every two seconds! The balloon cannot land because the current is switching. It only goes up and down; it doesn't go side to side. So he whispers in my ear like I'm some big heroine, "I think I'm gonna have to hit some trees. Are you ready? We're just gonna smash into a few trees, and then I'm gonna overboard these kids one by one. But I'm gonna make it look like fun. You stay in the basket, though." Bash! Boom! Pow! Over a coffee field, hitting trees to break the fall because we can't go down ... throwing the kids out! I thought I'd rather be dead! This is not fun.

R- See, there's no way I'd get in that.

K- No. Don't do it.

R- They just scare me too much.

K- And they always act like they're giving you a lesson in fun, do you know? "Hey - we're only 300 feet. Come on!" Whoa!!! <laughs>

R- You're in some basket ...

A- some hand-weaved basket.

R- You're afraid to put too many sandwiches in it cuz the bottom will fall out, and you've got five human beings in it!

A- And you put your kids in there, huh?

K- We were so sick with vertigo . I finally turned to the pilot and said, "Surely I can't be the only one." He said, "No, but you are unusual. Most people just adore this. But I had a guy who couldn't take it and he had to lie down on the bottom of the basket." I said, "Well, where did everybody else go?" <laughs>
 

R- I just don't see it. You have this whicker basket made by somebody at, probably, minimum wage ... at best. Your life is in their hands.

A- With dried branches?

K- Oh, he gave me the whole reason for the whicker basket. Because it's light and it can do this, and it can do that. Meanwhile, it's true. You're looking at a ...

R- whicker basket! That's exactly what it is. By the way, we'll wrap up in just a second. We'll tell you about the show. The season finale is Wednesday at 9. You know what it is - you battle those Borgs and the new villians.

K- Borg.

R- Borg. One borg.

A- It's like deer; borg. There could be a whole group, and it's still just Borg.

K- Like men, not mens! <laughs>

R- I thought it was the Bjorn Borg family; it's just that one Borg. The rest of the family stayed at home.

K- Tennis playing villians in the 24th Century!!

R- Bunch of guys come out in some hideous white tennis shorts. <laughter>

K- "I'll give you a tractor beam you'll never forget!"

A- Slamming fuzzy balls at ya...

R- Hey! With a racket made out of catgut. We'll be back in a minute; don't go away.

  {go to break}

R- Kate Mulgrew's in here. By the way, you can get ahold of her in that world wide web thing that you hear so much about. It's that information highway. It's s-t-a-r-t-r-e-k-.-m-s-n-.-c-o-m.

K- Star Trek is not one word.

R- That's the way it's written here. It's how they...

K- Oh, I see.

R-  I know what you're saying. I don't understand it either. I'm completely baffled by the whole...

K- Are you computer ignorant?

R- I have e-mail, and I use it all the time.

K- Do you surf the net and do all that stuff?

R- No.

K- First of all, doesn't it take *forever* to surf the net?

R- There's information, I guess, if you're somebody who researches. It's a valuable tool, but I don't have time. The only time I ever do anything is strictly for information for the show. There's no fun thing to do at all. I don't do anything for pleasure on there.

K- Well, there's a lot of fun stuff going on around here, isn't there?

R- Sure. And there's no time for that. I want to get my information and get out. And then let some other guy sit in this closet in his bathrobe.

K- I don't have the patience for it. Do you surf the net? (to Al)

A- Not at all.

K- It's a certain kind of mentality, isn't it?

A- Yeah, I can't get into it.

R- I have no desire to do it. I can't even bring myself to really do it for the show. The most I can do is pull down the e-mail.

K- And most agonizing of all is that chat page ... don't they have that? They have whole conversations.

A- That's a scream for help, yes.

K- This takes DAYS!

R- There's a chat room for this show.

K- There is?

R- It's going on right now. And I'm sure there's one about your show, where people sit around and they...

K- Oh, I know that.

R- There's a big deal about hairdos and all that kind of stuff. There's a big thing about your hairdo, isn't there?

K- <laughs> There's a big thing about the romance between Janeway and Chakotay, which they're all pluggin' for. They don't think that Chakotay could survive three years, appropro of our conversation, gentlemen, on the break. They don't believe that the First Officer could survive three years in outer space without some love.

R-&A Hmmm.

K- That's your reaction? Uniformly "hmmm"?? <laughs>

R- Well, for a man, that's probably true. Three years - he's getting it somewhere.

K- No.

R- They don't take showers?

K- No showers in the 24th Century. No need to!

R- You're just clean.

A- Janeway has never taken a shower?

K- I took a hot bath on another planet.

R- When you're battling the Borg and you're all tensed up, and Calgon...

A- There's no sweating??

K- We never sweat in the 24th Century.

R- Do you have glands? Sweat glands?

K- I don't think you have glands in the 24th Century.

R- So that's what we have to look forward to? We evolve into no glands? We're worm chow.

K- Anyway, they feel that he's probably .. that he needs to have a relationship, and they want him to have it with Janeway because we have such a nice chemistry together. But I think it would be most inappropriate for the captain...

R- Are you the same species of, uh..

K-.. of what?

R- ..of charactership? You're human on the show, but what's the other guy?

K- I am human. That's the nicest thing I think you've ever said to me, directly.

R- And I mean that. <laughs>

K- I am human; he's human, too. He's a Maquis Warrior.

R- What's that mean?

K- That means he has a little tattoo on his... forehead. He's a Native American.

A- Is there any cross-breeding on the show? I mean, would you do it with the tortoise-head guy?

K- If Neelix had done it with Kes, they would've cross-bred. But that didn't happen. It would have been prosthetic hell, and that's why it didn't happen.

R- Imagine what the actual joining would have been like.

A- So the guy that you're in love with on the show...

K- I'm not in love with him.

A- He's in love with you.

K- We are very ... we're deeply fond of each other.

R- Okay, you're pals.

K- We're deeply fond of each other. And here's where I stand on the whole thing. I'm the captain. I'm not the First Officer. I'm not the cook. I'm the captain. I got us lost. There are 165 people on this ship.

R- It's your fault, right?

K- I'd better do my best to get them home.

R- So you've got no time for that.

K- Now how's it gonna shake down if these people are cognizant of the fact that I am having a love affair with my First Officer? That's gonna reform every mood, every choice, every decision, every everything.

R- So you're going sexless on the whole show?

K- Yeah, I think it's ... don't cry!

A- Ah, he's just got a leaky eye.

K- A leaky eye! My father used to say that: "You've got a leaky eye, kid." <laughs> Are you sexless because you're not having sex? I don't think so. I think it could be quite provacative. It's gonna be complex; it's gonna be tense; it's gonna be wonderful. But we're just not gonna, ya know. Does everybody really have to do that? I would lose respect for her. ... What are you doing with that cord?

R- I'm holding myself. <laughter> There's no sex, you gotta hold something.

K- I asked for that one!

R- Hey - on the show it's Kate Mulgrew. The season finale is Wednesday night. So, if I .. oh I'll ask you off the air. <laughter> So does this mean I won't get to see you again for another year?

K- No. Maybe you'll come to the fight. Why don't you meet me at the fight?

R- I'd love to. Am I invited?

K- I'll bet you. Why don't you go to the fight? You've got power. Get these people to get you some tickets. Meet me at the fights - we'll watch together.

R- And you'll take me gambling.

K- You're gonna have to take me gambling because I don't ...

R- Forget the gambling.

K- All right, you're on.

R- You've never gambled?

K- I have gambled, and I have lost a lot of money gambling. Because I don't have the touch for it. You've got to be able to walk away. I don't like to lose! I like the slot machines, going ding ding ding!! It's great to see you guys. Take care of yourselves. See you in Vegas.

R- There she goes. Listen to her. {beaming out sound effect}